ER2@48 - two years in

Island Boy

Two years since that nail-biting PDR (pay day runner) from Vietnam. A short flight to PP followed by a van to the Pot where I was welcomed back to the Pumphouse by a laptop-wielding beer-swilling freedom-loving Antipodean who definitely sings from the same hymn sheet as yours truly - bless his cotton socks.

So what's it been like?

Long Beach

Well, looking back at the last pair of years it's hard to not be hyperbolic. It's been mint. Totally mint. So mint in fact that I had no reservations in declining two offers from former employers who reached out this summer (Phuket and Chiang Mai). While the ego enjoyed a flattering massage, the truly empowering part is the realisation that I can't be bought - freedom.

As an aside, it appears that competent English-speaking A-Level Physics Teachers are thin on the ground these days. However, despite recruitment difficulties, schools still loathe the idea of part-time positions. Managerial kryptonite. Rigid, inflexible.

If you want a visa and a reasonable salary in the teaching game, you'll have to pinch your nose and jump into the so-called "international-ed-scene" and therein you simply can't avoid the full-time Butlins Redcoat BS (babysitter/entertainer for those who aren't GenX and Bri'ish). Part o' the job innit. (Surreptitiously slipped in some Boolean algebra there - hehe).

Ritual

Humiliation

Schools might wax euphemistically about student centered learning (whatever that is) but at the end of the day they have to imprison/safeguard/entertain children for 8 hours a day while their parents are tax-farmed with military precision.

Their entire raison d'etre is to indoctrinate the next generation of obedient tax slaves. Politics is the tension between freedom and collectivist tyranny. I'll leave it to you to decide which end of the rope modern schools pull on.

Therefore, you'll find yourself at the Butlins coalface more often than not. Moreover, staff are fungible so that 55yo Ken (Math PhD nerd) and 23yo Sandra (obese ditz rolling around the floor with toddlers) are equivalent teaching units. Interchangeable USBs. Thus, it follows that you'll invariably find yourself in some humiliating situations, unless, of course, you enjoy that sort of thing.

Lubricant

Bokor clouds

Bokor

Shitbox no longer burns oil after a $60 piston and valve chain. Used to feel like a coin flip going anywhere but that's all in the past. Confidence has grown to the point I rode her, with no hesitation, up Bokor to see the monkeys. She's now ticked off the three main attractions here:

Kampong Trach✅
Bokor✅
Kep✅

Not bad for $200.

Compression Ratio - the embodiment of PV = nRT

50cc

Alan and I love just sitting, drinking slabs and watching his chickens shag - though there's never much in the way of courtship. One day he felt a disturbance in the force and shat precious retirement loy on three archeological artefacts with half an eye on refurbishing them.

The auld fella's a bit of a dab-hand having renovated a few in the past. I've always fancied messing around with engines too, so why not combine our efforts? It'll be a Master/Apprentice dynamic as we intersperse cans of Cambodia with spanners, oily rags and some top-drawer expletives. Will this new hobby supersede avian porn? Who knows. I'm excited about pimping up one of these beauties - rapid.

Crime and Punishment

Clean

Was considering moving to KohPhaNgan for a year. I even did a criminal check. A school emailed and in a moment of madness I pseudo-accepted. Why pseudo? Well, because even though I was going through the motions I knew deep down I'd never go. Imagine a year on Twatpack Island? Yeah, nah.

At least the crim-check was clean. Despite teaching out here since forever, I'd never done a UK one (only local incarnations) so it was a relief to see a clean slate after some of my drunken escapades back in the 90s. Was locked in military cells, sh1tfaced, on more than one occasion.

F*ck man, the 90s were awesome, perhaps England's last great decade, when it was still overwhelmingly English. Extremely grateful I don't live there today - England 2.0 - a Balkanised Economic Zone on the cusp of tyranny. I pray Cambodia remains 98% ethnically Khmer and that they'll protect their homeland, people and culture from pernicious actors.

Island Boy - Jus Tryna Make It

Ferry

Anyway, it was off to an altogether different island, 360km away on a bearing of ENE, across the Gulf of Thailand, namely Koh Rong. A 2hr train, a 30min ferry, et voila, welcome to paradise. Stayed 3 nights. Enjoyed it but wouldn't want to go in high season, or live there for that matter. It cost $150 all in - well worth it:

Train (return) $12
Ferry (return) $25
Room 3 nights $27
Scooter $7.50 Gas (1.5L) $2.50
Food and drinks $76

Palm Beach

I rented a moto and toured the entire island in a morning. Most of it's paved except the two roads out of the main village. Why? We don't ask W questions here. The rest of the time was spent either balls deep in crystal clear turquoise water or downing slabs/coffee on CoCo's subs bench watching tourist flotsam drift by the lively pier.

Muddy

However, it wasn't all plane sailing. The train back left an hour late. Then broke down in the middle of nowhere. Alan was pleased to acquire a sixth of a slab for $2, as was the Sari-Sari owner who enjoyed a deluge of customers falling out of the sky.

We limped in to the Pot 2h30m late, the platform bustling with passengers who, for reasons known only to themselves, were striving to reach the Penh - a place I'm happy to have avoided the last 24 months. It was awesome to be back - I'd missed everything about her - perhaps absence really does make the heart grow fonder?

DEI

I've had a few excellent oil massages at a nearby sauna/steam joint. Turns out the lass, from Prey Veng province, is deaf. Although her disability is no impediment to the task at hand, it stifles any opportunity to chat her up in rudimentary Khmer.

I wonder if she laments the fact she's unable to perceive muted groans of pleasure as she facilitates a champagne supernova as the curtain closes on a fat lady singing in injury time. Mixing metaphors there to provide a cloak of plausible deniability. Though in this instance it's likely a blessing she's a bit corned beef.

Culinary

Kitchen

Creamy

Cooking has been a game changer. I enjoy it so much that I hardly venture out for scran anymore. Even bought shelves, tupperware and a small bowl for the sole purpose of mixing eggs - domestic god.

The menu is limited to stir fry but that didn't prevent a small degree of exotic experimentation. The first curry was a fail but the next few were spot on. Curry powder, black pepper, chilli, garlic, ginger, stock and coconut milk result in a Michelin level Ruby - albeit in a plastic bowl - the only one I have. Reminds me of eating cornflakes on winter mornings as a bairn - cold, dark, horrible.

Consistently Inconsistent

Rock bottom

The wheels haven't just fallen off, they're rusting away in a landfill. A burnt out husk on bricks on a Tyneside council estate. Played 4 Lost 4. Rock bottom. Can the ship be turned around? Is it time for un nuevo kapitan?

On a personal note I'm having the worst run of form since joining the league but, weirdly, in the midst of it, I 8-balled some dude in a friendly. He broke and I cleaned up. Bosh. First time in me life. Never came close to doing that when I was playing well.

60/40 Equity/Bond Portfolio

2yrs for $11,400

Two years of leisure in a tropical paradise for $11,400?

All in?

Aye, and it was a doddle. An enjoyable doddle. The second year included a trip to a tropical island, buying a motorbike, CT scans, new bed, new phone, new fridge, gym and around 25 massages (+ associated services). However, during the same period the monthly income grew from $800 to $1800. Around 3x what's required.

Time in the market beats timing the market.

Now I have to wage a war against the very force I leveraged to get here: stinginess, or, spun differently: disciplined frugality. The trouble is there's nothing I want. I have everything. Maybe I'll visit Thailand in November - exactly 5 years after leaving. See how much lingo I've retained. Or maybe not. Definitely maybe. In the eternal words of me Mam "we'll see".

Monthly Income over 7 years

It's well known that the fairer sex are the fastest money-reducing agents known to man. Perhaps there's a path forward there? The thing is, I just can't be arsed dealing with a woman's bullsh1t. Been there, done that, got the jumper, more than enough times.

Plenary

Gym

A dose of manflu - the worst kind - floored me for a week. Then a pulled back muscle. Being the wrong side of 50 presents new challenges. Does age automatically confer gnarly wisdom as the body decays? Non-matter-accentuation (wisdom) offsetting matter-attenuation (body)? Another example of nature's sardonic humour? Birth - life - decay - death, spring - summer - autumn - winter. Is it all cyclical? 

If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration - Nikola Tesla

 

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Whenever I think of Tesla these two equations come to mind:
E = mc² and E = hf. We cover them in A-Level Physics. Removing the constants (c² and h) we have E = m = f.

WTF does that mean? Well, it's telling us energy, matter and frequency influence each other. For some reason I'm beginning to see this more and more in the wider world of finance, politics, history, social trends and nature. Civilisations rise and fall. Politics is like a spring - obeying Hooke's Law (F = -kx) in that the harder you stretch in x the more the pushback in -x.

Island Boy

Then I wander aimlessly to the Tao Te Ching. Should we cultivate Tao-esque principles such as balance, non-action, humility and simple living? While simultaneously embracing the paradoxes of life, exploring the depths of reality and marveling at the fact we even exist at all? Afterall, what is truth if not an accurate description of reality? Oh, and don't forget a splash of Nietzsche's will-to-power which kinda contradicts the Tao - but hey ho - another paradox to unravel in the hammock.

I'll thin now.