Phuket Town bike crashes, women and manipulative Austrians.

30/10/11 Five years and five months.

I will be 38 next month and I have been thinking about a change for some time now. I have been in Phuket since April 2010 or about one and a half years. Armin my Austrian travel buddy has just visited Phuket where he had to listen to me complaining about my job. I have quite enjoyed teaching maths at HeadStart school but the workload has been unbearable at times.


So last week I quit and planned a one year trip around Asia with the Austrian guru. However, on Monday this week I was talking to an American lady called Chena who works at Kajonkiet School in Phuket. They need a maths and physics teacher for GCSE and A levels. I went along to the school and was offered the job starting in January. I have one week to think about the offer before committing. Bizzarely, my superior would be an English lady called Rowena who used to live across the street from me in Trang - small world.

The salary is less than what I currently earn but the hourly rate is double if you pro-rata it. I am more concerned with quality of life than money. At my last place I barely had time to spend it. I am excited about the prospect of getting to grips with A level maths and physics after teaching GCSE/KS3 for the last year. Only seven weeks to go before I finish HeadStart!

Footy

The best players on Phuket Island:

I can't remember if my top is Grimsby, Notts County, St Mirren or Juventus? This is the HeadStart teacher's team.

Wind instruments

I was sitting in my mate's bar in Kata with two French lads when the awful shrill of bagpipes accosted our senses. There was a bloke marching up and down the bar-lined street doing his utmost to attenuate the bars' takings for the night.

Bike

I've done it again. I came off near the blood-donor centre in Phuket Town. I was covered in mud, cuts and bruises at about 0600 when an ambulance unbelievably came past. It stopped, bandaged me up and took me home for free! The next day Paddy gave me a lift to recover the wreck, however, I couldn't remember exactly where the accident occurred! After 30 mins we found it. I then had to push it 3km to a garage because the clutch handle had snapped off. Nightmare - but then you shouldn't go to Soi Sip Et.

Spank bar

This is Nuy's mate in Spank bar in Chalong. I haven't been there for a while. It's such a laugh! I slept there on the floor a few weeks back.

Veg

The Phuket vegetarian festival has been and gone. Phuketians eat only veg for 10 days and stick swords through their face cheeks for reasons that fail me. Like Songkran I'm glad it's over. Worse of all was that my little steak stall closed for the duration. Below is a shot of the chaotic market near where I live:

National Anthem

Our school has started doing the Thai national anthem every Friday morning. They supplement this song with another anthem from a country of one of the many nationalities we have here. Last week it was Russian and this week it was the shortest ever 'God save the Queen'.

Talking of anthems, I run a quiz on a Friday and one little lass didn't recognise her own country's anthem. Having said that another girl correctly guessed the Pakistani national anthem. Kids never fail to both shock and amaze!

Boozing

I've manged to put some boozy weekend shifts in recently. In Chalong they've invented a new noun, verb and adjective. They call me 'The Hepple'. If you go out drinking you are 'Heppling'. If you intend to get drunk you say 'I'm going to get Heppled'. It's such a laugh down Soi Shit in Chalong.

This crazy Suisse lad below stayed in O'Malley's guest house for a while. He had loads of vegetarian paraphernalia such as hats and fans. He wrote me a love letter on the day he left explaining how I have a nice arse - perhaps he was gay and my gaydar had failed me?

Ice Ice baby too cool

This is 22 yo Ice from Talang district on Phuket Island. She studies at Ratchapat university and boosts her funds by cleaning part-time at McDonald's. For some inexplicable reason she has taken a shine to me and we have been seeing each other for two months. She's a canny lass but can't speak English so we rely on my crap Thai to get by.

MMmmmmmm.

Before innovative Ice, I met astute Anne, 19, from Surat Thani. Whereas Ice studies at Uni, Anne works in bar. Anne explained, meticulously, the disadvantages of a Keynesian economic approach to the current possibility of a global financial collapse. I continued to down numerous beers while becoming increasingly captivated. It was her truly inspired reasoning that led me to consider the feasibility of a romantic approach. When I asked 'How much'? She quoted an astronomically high price. She went on to explain that since the inflationary effects of quantitative easing were beginning to bite she had no choice but to raise the bar. Eventually she acquiesced and we eased, quantitatively into each other.

Toon

Can someone please explain how the Toon are unbeaten after 9 EPL games?

Lingo

fen - girlfriend
gick - less than a gf but more than a friend
mia/panaya - wife
mia noi - mistress (literally: small wife)
pooying kai borigan - A lass who'll sell owt.
tilak - sweetheart
joop joop - kiss
gawt - cuddle
pee sue - butterfly, a man who goes with many women
deng ngan - marry
lert gan - split up