AWOL Geordie: The Angels of Angeles

Here's a nice looking bar in Penang:

I studied my BSc(Hons) at the UK's O.U. Here's Malaysia's version. Some nice colonial architecture in Penang:

Penang food again. This is a £0.70 vegetable dhali. Lush:

Some rainy scenery between Penang and KL:

I arrived at Clark Airport and fought off the 400piso taxis. I walked about 500m to wait for a 12piso jeepney. Cool. The first thing I snapped was this street near my Hostel. This is the Philippines for you. Gated housing with security guards everywhere. You don't want rampant pilferage in your subdivision.

I then went for my first beer on Santos Street. Michelle demonstrating her bar skills.

This is the Dollhouse gogo bar on Fields Avenue. Fields Avenue is a huge strip of gogo bars just outside the old American Clark airforce base. These girls are known as doorgirls. If you have the cash you can shag any of these stunningly gorgeous women.

This bar name made me laugh. Apparently you can experience a 'special' massage in there with your beer:

I had a walk up Fields Av and got talking to Karamel, a door girl at the Golden Nile bar. I was going to have a beer in there to gawp at the 100's of bikini-clad dancers but at 110piso/bottle I decided to leave it to the Korean and Japanese businessmen.

I went looking for the British consulate in Angeles. I asked many people for directions but it was no use - pissing against the wind. These people don't know where their arses are let alone a street in their home town. Luckily I found this lass. She was the only person here with a shred of sense. She helped me find Concepcion Street so I bought her a coke to say thanks. The consulate turned out to be an innocuous house on an innocuous street. No flag or anything. The consular bloke laughed at my passport renewal request and explained how awkward they like to make it to renew passports. I told him the website said 10 days and he laughed saying 3-4weeks is more likely. He handed me an application form and I left thinking this guy was a bit of a dick (not uncommon for people in any embassy in any country). On the bright side I saved 10,000piso. On the downside I need someone who has known me for 2 years to countersign the form. This alone is impossible for me in the Philippines. But laughably they also require this impossible person to be 1. British and 2. a Doctor, Lawyer or MP. I have fuck all chance of renewing my passport then? You just gotta love our govt. Couldn't they simply check Royal Navy records? There must be simpler ways. On top of this we have to pay twenty times more than a Filipino for this document.

This is Holy Church in Angeles City. Depsite all the whoring and cheating here it's nice to see the Church lending their support. To get here I was going to take a tricycle motorbike contraption from Balibago to Angeles. The driver asked for 150piso. I pointed out I could take a jeepney for 7piso. He looked perplexed. I attempted to reason with him. Is it not better to ask 50piso and increase your chances of business? Evidently not. He must lose face charging a foreigner the going rate. I took a jeepney. The bus from Pegswood to Ashington costs around £1. This is the equivalent of a taxi driver asking £22 for that journey - ludicrous.

The entrance to the Holy Angel University. To get into this divine centre of learning you have to pass 3 security guards and be searched according to your sex. Nice.

JMB music studio is looking for a piano teacher with a knowledge of notes. I would have thought this an obvious pre-requisite! Considering the locals speak better English than they do in China the signage here is shocking.

The Honeypot on Fields Av. What goes on in there then?

Also on Fields Avenue. Western Union, the global money transfer facility. This is where many pussy-struck Western men send their hard-earned cash to their 'faithful' girlfriends. I had to laugh that they actually situated this branch ON the same street as the bars - hehe.

Anyway, screw all those other bars. This is mine. No girls, nowt fancy. John's Hangout on Surla Street. 6% Beer na Beer is 23piso/bottle. The motorbikes deafen you as they scream past. Despite this the old guys will enthral you with tales of Angeles. Aussie Steve drank 20 bottles to my 4 the other afternoon!!!! He is almost 60!!!!